All in a Twist
by J. Maria
Summary: Ficlets done for twistedshorts on lj. Various ratings, crosses, and lengths.
1. Yeah, Sure

Title: Yeah, Sure  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-15  
Crossover: Stephanie Plum  
Characters: Wesley, Stephanie  
Disclaimer: I own diddily and squat. Joss and Janet Evanovich own all.  
Summary: People really should learn to listen more carefully.  
Word count: 495  
Author's notes: Um, I've only read the first book and about two chapters of the second, so we're going with that. And this is pre season 1 of Angel, Rogue demon hunter Wesley. If I've really screwed the characters up, please tell me.

**__**

Yeah, Sure

A girl's allowed to make a few mistakes, I just seem to be the only one who makes em so damn often. Morelli was one of my better mistakes, but hooking up with this joker was a whole different ballpark. Trenton was going through another one of these heat waves, and bodies were popping up all over the burg. The even weirder part is that bodies were going missing. Dead bodies.

I was picking up a load of case files on FTA's when this tall, dark, and British guy comes strolling into Vincent Plum Bail Bonding Company. He didn't look like your average bounty hunter, but neither do I. Course, he could have been in for bail. Connie Rosolli's eyebrows shot up into her teased black hair.

"How can I help you?"

"I'm looking for a Miss Plum. Her grandmother informed me that she would be here?"

"Just my luck. Stephanie's over there," she jerked her head in my direction. Gee, thanks Connie.

"Miss Plum?"

"Yeah, what do you want?"

"My name is Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. I was wondering if I might have a moment of your time?" My,my,my, didn't someone have quite a pompous name?

"Yeah, I guess."

"Privately?" He looked pointedly over his shoulder at Connie, who was checking out his butt.

"I don't have all day," I said impatiently.

"This will only take a few moments, I assure you."

We walked next door to Fiorello's Deli. If he was gonna be a pain in my ass, I could be one right back in his. I made him wait until I'd ordered a sandwich.

"What's this all about, buddy?"

"I went to the local authorities concerning the death of a Mr. . . " he flipped through a file he'd pulled out of his bag. I stared at it for a minute. It was the size of my pocketbook, and twice as girly. "Ah, here it is. A Mr. Salvador Minetti."

"Sal Minetti?" He had died about a week ago, I remember because my Grandma Mazur had made me drive her to Stiva's for the funeral. "What about him?"

"From the autopsy report, he had two small wounds on his neck."

"And a cracked skull, what's your point?"

"The man accused of his murder recently skipped his bond, didn't he?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, this man - Mr. who is only seen at night in his car."

"What does any of this with you and me?"

"Well, he is - please brace yourself - is a vampire. He is your 'skip', isn't he?" You are just a bounty hunter, you haven't got the training to handle such a creature."

"And you do?" I was sick of people assuming I couldn't do this job.

"I am a rogue demon hunter."

"Yeah, sure you are. Look, I'm a big girl, and I can bring in this skip. I don't need another jerk in my life, so thanks for the advice, but shove it." Rogue demon hunter my ass.


	2. Junk in the Trunk

Title: Junk In the Trunk  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: FR-15  
Crossover: Gilmore Girls  
Characters: Wesley, Lorelai  
Disclaimer: I own diddily and squat. Joss and Amy own all.  
Summary: All in the phrase  
Word count: 412  
Author's notes: This is me branching out and not doing my usual 'safety' crossovers. This is me growing as a writer. So if they're completely OOC, please call me on it.

**__**

Junk In The Trunk

"There's a lot of junk in that trunk."

"Excuse me?" Lorelai Gilmore snapped her head around, not sure if she'd heard what she thought she had.

"There's a lot of junk in that trunk?" The man said slowly.

"That's awfully rude of you to be talking about the amount of junk in somebody's trunk."

"I-"

"My butt is not that big, buddy, and even if it were it's not any of your business how big it is," Lorelai had turned and was now jabbing her finger excessively at the tall dark haired man. "Do you see me commenting on how flat your man boobs are, or that your hair is excessively neat. Who has hair that neat? Do you straighten it every night?"

"Miss -"

"And for another thing, I might come from a long line of bountiful booties. It might all be in the genes. That or I could be just wearing pants that make my butt look bigger than it actually is. Maybe I should get one of those signs they stick on car mirrors: Objects are closer than they appear."

"Miss, I wasn't talking about your, er booty," the man tried to suppress the laughter in his eyes.

"Then what were you talking about, buddy?"

The man pointed calmly to the trunk of a black convertible that was parked in front of Luke's. The trunk was open and various articles of black clothing were stacked messily, some even falling over the fender and onto the ground. Lorelai just happened to be standing next to the car.

"I'm afraid my associate didn't think he'd need a suitcase."

"I'm an idiot."

"No, I did say it rather loudly. I'm sorry you -"

"No, I snapped because, well I'm Snappy McSnapperton and I'm really sorry. Can I buy you a cup of coffee, or a new set of tires to make up for snapping at you for no reason?"

"I wouldn't mind a cup of coffee." He grimaced as he looked at the cup Cordelia had given him a few days before.

"I'm Lorelai Gilmore."

"Wesley Wyndam-Pryce."

"A man so nice they named you -thrice?" Lorelai tried to joke. "Is thrice a word?"

"Yes."

"So I owe you coffee, since you declined the tires."

"Yes."

"Will your associate who can't pack be looking for you?"

"No, Angel drove all through the night, he's already at the hotel catching up on his sleep."

"Okay, so Luke's for coffee?"

"Yes, please."

"Right this way."


	3. College Rummy

Title: College Rummy  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG-13ish  
Crossover: HP  
Disclaimer: Not mine - cuz I'm broke 'n such.  
Challenge 15 _Learning something new_  
Summary: A friendly game of cards gets ugly.  
Notes: Yeah, haven't actually played the game in a while (since I was twelve, and that's why no one's actually playing it)  
Word Count: 517

**_College Rummy_**

Blaise Zabini had just smacked him. _Blaise_, pervert extraordinaire was actually looking at him with scorn in his eyes. Ron looked to both sides of himself. Luna was smiling that odd little smile of hers at their hosts, Ginny and Hermione were sharing a look, and the others were laughing at him. Ron glared.

"It wasn't a suggestion, Weasel," Blaise sneered. "Just because the whole school thought I was a great big man-whore who'll shag anything doesn't mean I'd shag _you_."

"Oy!" Secretly, Ron was relieved, but still rejection stung at his pride

"'Sides, I prefer blondes anyway," Blaise's glance slid over to the blonde sitting next to Ron.

"That mean ya prefer Drakie-poo instead of Ronniekins?" The dark haired woman taunted, her eyes locked on her cards.

"That princess? Please, there'd be arguments left and right over who's the prettiest," Willow said laughing.

"I _am _prettier than Zabini," Malfoy said casually.

"You wish."

The entire table stopped in their ribbing to stare at Luna. The former Ravenclaw blushed, something that was entirely unusual for them to see. She bent her head, unruly strands of dirty blonde hair covering her eyes. Faith's grin grew wider.

"I gotta agree with you, girl. He's like sex on a stick."

"Oh, no. That's not why he's prettier. He's got that whole _exotic_ look. Like you can't tame him. Draco looks pale and lifeless compared to that."

"Oy, shut your mouth, Lovegood," Draco yelled.

"Oh, don't get your knickers in a twist, Draco. The girl can't help but be honest."

"Can I ask how we got sidetracked into talking about Spike Jr.'s underroos? Cuz, not loving the topic of choice here," Xander said, rolling his eye.

"Well, Ron made a faux pas -" Willow started to explain, until Ron shouted that he'd done no such thing.

"It means a mistake, you great big idiot. Honestly, don't you ever read?" Hermione snapped.

"Why bother, you'll just tell me that I interpreted it idiotically because everyone knows you know _everything_," Ron said scathingly.

The small room which had been filled with snickering only moments before went deadly silent. Hermione's face turned beet red. She pushed back her chair, dropped her cards to the table and rushed out of the room. Ginny waited two beats before reaching across Luna to smack him.

"Bloody hell, woman!"

"Oh, you deserve it, you ass," Ginny snapped. "Even Zabini thinks you deserved it."

"Don't get me in the middle of this mess, Weasley."

Ron cursed under his breath and slapped his cards onto the table. He shoved his chair back and followed her. Xander gave a small forced laugh.

"Well, anybody want to get back to the game?" Xander asked.

"You know you started all this mess, Xander," Willow sighed.

"How?"

"Well, you are the one who told everyone that College Rummy's also called Screw Your Neighbor," Luna pointed out.

"Yeah, like I could have predicted it'd lead straight to Ron choking on his drink, a fight over which of the former bad boys is prettier, to Ron insulting Hermione. Can we get back to the game now?"


End file.
